101 Ways To Annoy Severus Snape!

NUMBER FIFTY-SEVEN: mid-classes give a violent lurch and scramble under the desk farthest from you sobbing and rocking and refusing to be comforted by anyone other than "my favowit unk sevvie"

Number Fifty-eight: Start a rumour that Severus is having an affair with a student koff koff Harry Potter koff

Number Fifty-Nine: find evidence to support your rumor- or just create pictures, videos, or anything that shows winks, or other forms of flirting.

Number Sixty: Tip off the Daily Profit to this rumour (and provide statements and incriminating photographs)

Number Sixty-one: Get a small fluffy creature and name it Severus Snape, then when the real Snape is around, comment on how your pet is much cuter than him. (when you say him look directly at Snape)

Number Sixty-two: Loudly discuss the intricacies of Snarry fics whenever he is near by

Number Sixty-three: Ask him if he wants to meet your mother.

Number Sixty - four : after you ask him to meet your mother lean in and whisper to him "better be nice or my father will kick your ass!"

Number Sixty-five: Every morning, walk into his bedroom with a steaming cup of tea. Let him wonder how you got into his private rooms. Mysteriously vanish.

(I'm going to add what I think his reactions would be, 'cause, well, it's just fun.)

Number Sixty-Six: Become his 'Good-Snape' and 'Bad-Snape'. (I.e. poke your head over his shoulder and advise him according to which Snape you are. Then switch shoulders and say the opposite. Use a silly voice. )

Reaction: Snape almost barking: "Detention! With Filch! All week!" Then, in a sly voice: "You see, that's what happens when Bad-Snape wins! A shame Good-Snape didn't have better arguments!"


Number Sixty-Seven: When he leans down to inspect your work - Grab your wand, place the tip of it directly between his eyes and shout 'Lumos!'

Reaction: Snape, who can't see a thing and who is still flabbergasted by the effect of the Lumos: "Out! Everybody out! And YOU! (Pointing in the wrong direction) Report yourself to Filch at 7 tonight for the worst punishment of your life!"

Number Sixty-Eight: Get your potion horribly wrong. Smile when he berates you and ask if that deserves a detention.

Reaction: Snape out loud: "So you think you can command me, is it? We'll see about that..."

Number Sixty-Nine: Get your potion all over him. Smile when he splutters incoherently with anger and ask if THAT deserves a detention.

"... Now you've done it! I can't believe you did that on purpose! Out with everyone! That doesn't deserve a detention, it deserves an expulsion!" Later that day: "Why can't Dumbledore believe me? Caused by an emotionally affected student he says. The student wanted my attention he says! Right, that student is more insanely affected than anything else! Why am I still teaching here? Oh yes, because nobody else will take me in... "

Number Seventy: Write a romance novel, with him as the main character. Make sure it gets widely dispributed throughout the school

Number Seventy-One: Knock over your cauldron, spill it everywhere and shout 'Surf's up, Sir!'

Reaction: Snape out loud: "Detention's Up, Miss!"


Number Seventy-Two: Show up drunk.

Reaction: Snape's quarters at night. You are totally drunk with a bottle of unfinished whiskey in your hand. You knock on his door and he comes to open it. With your best voice (I mean the best articulation you can have due to the circumstances!) you smile at him and say: "Goodnight professor! I was just going around the Dungeons when I thought to drop in! No really, it's depressing to drink alone, and since you look like the kind of man that needs to drink often to forget how lonely you are, I came here right away!" -"What are you mumbling about?" Sniff, sniff. "Good Lord, you're really drunk!!" -"Hey, don't shout like that, I left you some after all!" -"What am I going to do with you?" -"Whatever you want, darling!" you say while making him goo goo eyes."-"By all that's Holy, you're not only drunk: you've been drugged for sure!! Come in, I'll get you an antidote for whatever you have. But DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!" -"Alright, Snapie, dearest! For you, anything!" -"Fast, fast, fast! Where is that dam*& antidote?!"


Number Seventy-Three: Set his robes on fire.

Reaction: "You're on fire, Sir!" "-Oh really!" Says he in an unimpressed tone. "I cannot fathom how you managed to remain at Hogwarts for so long when you can't even remember you already used this prank with me! I'm not going to make a fool of myself again by looking at-" -"But Sir I swear" -"Don't interrupt me you insolent!" he shouts. "I can't believe you're that desperate to get my attention or I should rather say my detentions. And.." -"Oh my God, Severus! You're on fire!" says Minerva. -"What!!?%" Snape looks angrier than ever and since he can't really accuse you of doing it because you tried to warn him, well, he's even more angry. So he puts out the fire, swirls around and vanishes from everybody's sight for the rest of the day. Brooding! Minerva: "What's the matter with him? He did not even thank his student! Will he ever learn to be civil once in a while?!"

Number Seventy-Four: Set your own robes on fire. Insist that he save you.

Reaction: "Oh my! Help me, Professor Snape! My robes are on fire!" -"What's this noise?" Then, Snape realizes you are indeed on fire but that the situation is not so urgent. -"Save me, Professor Snape!! I'm afraid!" you tell him with supplicating and panicked eyes. Snape is says quite sadly: "Oh well, if I must!" And with a reluctant smile he saves you. -"Oh thank you so much, professor!! I thought I was going to die! Thank you!" And then, jump in his arms in an excess of joy. Now THAT will really get on his nerves!!

Hahaha, you found the list!

Seventy-eight: Ask him if he fears the sunlight, or is he just naturally pale?

Seventy-Six: And when he grumbled about the last one being none of your buisness, smile knowingly and say, "Ah, I see. You're a vampire. Don't worry, I wont tell!"

Reaction: Snape grinds his teeth together loudly and side-steps you. "Complete idiot..." he mutters as he stalks away. "No brain, whatsoever..."

(By the way, sxcsev, you skipped a whole lot, so lets pretend you wrote Seventy-Five instead, kay?)

Number Seventy-seven: Remind him that Harry Potter is Lily's son...with James Potter.

Number Seventy-ate: Give him a lapdance, in the middle of Potions

Number Seventy-nine: Become his campaign manager for an election you've invented. Hang 'Vote Snape' signs. Wear a badge.

Number Eighty: Make "Snape - the vanquisher of Dumbledore" signs.

Number Eighty-One: Give him a fluffy puppy for Christmas. Call it Minerva. Tell him you will be VERY pissed off if he gets rid of it.

No reaction? Sad- Your's are hilarious!

Number Eighty-Two: Make a "Kisses 25 cents" sign and follow him around all day, holding this sign in his face. After staring at him with your best puppy- dog eyes, pull out a Sharpie and cross out the 25 cents part and write FREE! on it... continue following him around.

Reaction (borrowing this from Blood, because its bloody hilarious): He ignores you, avoids your stare, and hits you with his billowing cloak many times as he walkes past. "FREE KISSES!" He stops turns his head slightly in your direction before continuing on his way. "ONLY FOR SNAPE" You turn and run away after blowing him a kiss and throwing the sign at him.

Number Eighty-three: Call him Voldemort's lapdog.

Number Eighty-four: Send him an annonymous note "I know what you did November 10th, 1973"

Number Eighty-five: Send him pictures of Lily and James snogging.

Number Eighty-sex: Send him James and Lily's sex-tape

Number Eighty-seven: Make posters of him and Dumbles snogging.